remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
