everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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