three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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