we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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