fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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