Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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