I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
