Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
