Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
