evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
