2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
