Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
