Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
