Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
