Can Purell be used as lube?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
