They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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