i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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