my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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