***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
