it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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