Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
