Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My bed smells like the plague
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
