I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
