I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
