Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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