so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
