I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
