You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
