i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
