thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
