youre lurking in front of me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
