im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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