I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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