think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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