I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
