I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
