we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
