No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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