Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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