It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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