Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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