i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
birth control should be required to get into college
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
