I wish I could teleport
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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