Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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