where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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