white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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