My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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