I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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