My room smells like vodka and shame
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
