3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
That reminds me...we need to get swords
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
