I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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