You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
