Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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