is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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