She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
