Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
